Before My Eyes Closed
by Sadbys
Summary: In the summer of senior year, Stan met the face of death and his life flashed before his eyes. He realised his life started and ended with Kyle.
1. August, 2007

**A/N:**** This story deals with mature themes, including a generous amount of erotica; please read at your own discretion. Having said that, I hope you feel this to be compelling and enjoy your read. This story is inspired by the song 'Monsoon' by Hippo Campus and the cover image is not mine- credit to the unknown artist.**

**The first episode of South Park aired in 1997 and the boys are eight years old. So going off that timeline, they'll be seventeen in 2006 and eighteen in 2007, and this story takes place Summer 2006 to Summer 2007. Just a few things to keep in mind. **

* * *

**August, 2007**

Kyle whispers against my ear. "Let's go upstairs" he says, careful that no one else hears. He squeezes my hand.

I glance around the room that bustles with worn out music, dimly lit by a dingy light bulb on its way out; a dozen faces absorbed in conversation. I press the whiskey-coke to my lips and empty the cup. I feel Kyle's anticipation in his touch, heightened by the heat from the whiskey.

"One sec" I tell him and fill my cup once more before he leads me quietly upstairs.

We giggle like schoolgirls under our breath and his hand is still intertwined with mine. When we reach the top of the stairs, I can hardly contain myself. I pull him closer, inhaling him, absorbing him; it's not close enough, it's never close enough. Kyle hums softly against my neck and his hands rest on my shoulder blades. "The room at the end is free" he whispers against the shell of my ear. He didn't have to, no one could hear from downstairs. I think this as I finish my drink.

We invade somebody's bedroom and lock the door behind us, tangled in each other's breath; fingers through hair, lips against flesh. "Kyle" I say, it echoes in my head. I seat myself on the end of the bed and he pulls away to take off his clothes, one by one until he's completely exposed to me and I'm staring at him, lovingly I think, as if it were the first time I saw him naked. The first time he would push his modesty, his cheeks were hot and the light off was non negotiable. We keep the light off this time, so not to draw attention to ourselves, but boy do I wish I left it on.

"Stan, you're staring" Kyle says, he's grinning.

"Oh, right" I begin to unzip my jacket and he watches me tentatively as my clothes form into a pile on the floor with his.

He nears me and leisurely settles himself in my lap, arms around my shoulders and knees either side of my hips. He's so warm. I kiss the crook of his neck softly, the hot flesh burns passionately against my cheek. "You're so beautiful" I tell him between kisses.

His hands trail down my back and he rolls his head backwards. I hold him tighter, I can't let go.

The music and chatter from downstairs sounds like a stagnant hum, it's almost silent enough that I can hear my own heartbeat and the sound of skin against skin.

Kyle sighs into my touch before finding my lips and we kiss over and over again, eyes closed, we're somewhere else. I trail my hand down to his erection and palm it softly, earning a quiet mew and his hips rise ever so slightly into my hand. It isn't long before my back is against the mattress, I'm gazing up at him and I see the direction he's heading. I love it when he takes charge.

He makes sure I'm watching him when he puts his fingers in his mouth, up to his knuckles, pulls them out and then repeats several times. I watch, mouth agape, as he reaches behind and prepares himself. I want to help him but it's clear he just wants me to watch, and I do; I could watch for hours.

Kyle spreads his fingers against my chest and slowly eases himself onto my length, I'm unbelievably hard. I watch his eyebrows knit together and his eyelids flutter closed, he knows I'm watching. I'm also enjoying it, a lot. I want to pull him down closer but I also want to just lay here and take in the sight of him, all sweat, moonlight and freckles.

I groan as he quickens the pace and rakes his nails gently across my chest. My hands clamp around his waist and follow his lead, up, down, forwards, backwards, and please, don't stop. Eventually I'm at the pinnacle of my reverie, so is Kyle. He leans forward and presses his forehead against mine, we're breathless, sweaty, hot and intoxicated but his hips continue to roll against mine. I squeeze his thighs harder and feel my hips buck upwards with a little more force at this point, about to fall off the edge. He's trembling and moans my name in my ear. That was it for me, I come, kiss him, and continue gently rocking him back and forth against me until he shivers and comes over my stomach.

There is a moment of nothing but the sound of our comedowns where he gazes into my eyes, lips parted angelically. He retracts himself from my body and slowly gets to his feet. I wish I could hold him closer just a little longer. Nevertheless, I get up and wrap my arms protectively around him from behind, ghosting a kiss on his shoulder. I can hear him smile.

"I love you" I say "You know that, yeah?"

He turns around and presses his lips against mine before smiling. "I love you too."

Everything is so quiet, so gentle and tender. I could break this moment like glass.

"What time is it?" He asks as he dresses himself. I'm not in the same hurry but pull out my phone from my jeans to check. "Twelve fifteen" I reply.

"No way, we've been up here so long."

"Making love."

Kyle smiles at me again "I'm not telling my parents that's why I'm late" he chuckles in the dark, but my eyes have adjusted to see him. "Can you still drive me home?"

I really want to sleep. "It's so late, can't you just stay here?" I ask, but I know he's too good to break curfew anymore than he already has.

"I can't, I've got to go to temple tomorrow morning, I promised my mom" he paused, and add a little defensively "I'll walk if I have to."

"Ok, ok, I'll drive you" I rub my eyes and begin dressing myself, hoping that maybe Mrs. Broflovski wouldn't mind if I crawl into bed with Kyle once we get there.

"Thank you" Kyle kisses my forehead.

"Yeah yeah. Hey, put my jacket on, you'll catch your death."

"Don't be chivalrous" he titters but puts it on anyway.

We say goodbye to whoever is still awake downstairs. Token, Butters; Kenny who smirks knowingly, and then we're out in the night, navigating my car. The party was about a twenty minute drive out of South Park but it was late and quiet, there wouldn't be many people on the road.

Once inside, Kyle turns the heating on and fastens his seat belt. There's a small seed of worry in the pit of my stomach, and the way he's looking at me, could he feel it too?

He places his hand on my knee and soothes his thumb gently over the ridge. "I'm sorry" he says. I smile reassuringly at him, there's nothing I wouldn't do for him.

The last thing I remember is driving along the black tar road, the soft sound of Kyle's breath to the side of me, and the warmth of his hand on my knee before my eyes closed.


	2. July, 2006

**July, 2006**

It was mid-July, hot and breezy. South Park wasn't exactly a beach destination but the summer weather had kissed the town and left its mark in the air. I walked between Kenny and Kyle and Cartman trailed behind, acting as if none of it was his idea.

We were on our way to Token's house whose family had recently installed an outdoor pool feature. He'd been kind enough to invite us all round as well as a bunch of other people for the night to test it out, perhaps we were supposed to keep it a secret from Cartman but even we felt bad excluding him from a night at Token's house; it was too fun. If a party was thrown by Token, everyone would be there.

"Did you remember your goggles?" Kyle asked me.

"Dude… I'm not wearing goggles at a pool party." Kenny heaved in laughter beside me, I'm sure my face looked a treat.

"Alright, but don't blame me if you get pool water in your eyes" he said.

"I did forget my towel actually." Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Stan."

The sunset looked like an abstract painting of yellow, orange and cream, and the only sounds of the evening were the chirping of birds and four pairs of footsteps against concrete, and the two behind us of course. The evening was still, but highly animated. Looking back, I remember feeling something was going to happen that night.

I observed Kenny from the corner of my eye in silence, waiting for him to deviate. Once he drifted behind us and began tormenting Cartman, I leaned in closer to Kyle and cleared my throat. "Do you think Wendy will be there?" I asked below my breath. Kyle gave me a sad smile.

"I don't know" he said "she might be."

"That's not helpful."

"What do you want me to say? You two broke up two months ago, you need to start being in the same room with her without feeling awkward about it."

"It's hard…"

"Wendy's nice, she wouldn't be mad at you. There's no reason you two couldn't be friends."

"Yeah, I guess so." I hated how he was always right; always a voice of reason.

Token's house soon came into view, large and grand. The gate was open for visitors and we made our way up to the door where Token invited us in himself. He fistbumped the first three of us and grimaced at Cartman before begrudgingly inviting him inside as well.

There were a few people loitering in the kitchen, filling paper cups with alcohol and mingling with one another. I recognised most of the faces.

Kenny and Cartman bounded towards the food stand and began eating their weight in cheesy poofs and cocktail sausages. "Anything to drink?" Token asked us "Free access to the liquor cabinet for you this evening." I felt my mouth go wet and my fingertips twitch ever so slightly. What an offer I thought, and I wouldn't be modest.

"Whiskey-coke?" I asked. I felt Kyle's eyes settle on me.

"Coming up. Kyle?"

"No thanks… Oh I mean, what the hell, I'll have the same."

Token smiled and disappeared to fetch our drinks. We both took our bags into the lounge and changed into our swimming trunks while we waited.

"You don't usually drink" I remarked "don't you have temple tomorrow?"

"I'll go to the afternoon service. As long I go that's all my mom cares about" Kyle said as he pulled his shirt over his head. I watched him quietly from the corner of my eye. His abs screamed basketball but his arms whispered math homework.

The two of us made our way outside to the pool where Token passed us our drinks. The pool itself was outside but covered with a large glass structure that kept the heat in, kind of like a greenhouse. Everything was sparkling and new, the sound of our classmates splashing and laughing echoed against the glass. There were various cups strewn across the poolside and the pool lights were purple, casting a warm glow on everyone's faces.

"Looks good" Kyle said "Want to swim?"

I sat down at the end and dangled my legs in the water before scanning the pool. Kyle joined me and began conversation with Butters beside us. I noticed Wendy at the far end of the pool, Bebe was on her shoulders and the two were laughing. She probably hadn't noticed me, or maybe she didn't care. I took a long sip of my whiskey-coke and tried my hardest not to stare at her.

I didn't still have feelings for her, I think. We both broke up together, but still, there was never a real reason I stopped loving her. Maybe I thought I owed her something.

"Do you wanna play?" Kyle broke my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"With Wendy and Bebe. They look like they need two opponents."

"Kyle…"

"You're never gonna resolve this tension unless you face it. Staring at her like a weirdo from across the pool isn't going to help either." I shot him a dirty look. There was a faint smirk on his lips. Nevertheless, he was right.

The two of us bobbed over towards Wendy and Bebe and the group of surrounding girls. It felt strange, like we were intruding or something. "Hey girls, mind if we join?" Kyle asked suavely. A few of them giggled. "Sure" Bebe said as she eyed Kyle up and down from Wendy's shoulders.

"Shoulder wars?" Kyle asked.

"Yes."

"Ok, Stan lift me up."

"Huh?"

I hadn't realised I'd been letting him do all the talking and floating conspicuously behind him. _Hiding _more like.

I bobbed underwater to let him mount my shoulders. He wrapped one leg over at a time and shuffled forward until his thighs were either side of my head, brushing my cheeks softly. I held onto his ankles and quietly avoided Wendy staring at me. I could've gone on top and wrestled Bebe instead, but I knew Kyle wouldn't be able to take my weight for that long.

I finally returned Wendy's gaze at one point and she smiled at me, it was almost as if a knot in my stomach had untied itself. "You look good" she said quietly.

"Oh uh.. Thank you, so do you…" My voice trailed off like a wimp. She giggled.

"Hey Stan, there's no bad blood between us, is there?"

"No, I mean, I hope not?"

"You've been avoiding me. I thought maybe there was."

"No Wendy not at all, I'm just an idiot. Kyle's been telling me to talk to you for ages." She raised her eyebrow coyly. "You should listen to him."

"I know."

Just as I thought a conversation started rolling, Bebe splashed my face with her foot and interjected. "This is very touching and all but I'm ready to beat you boys."

"Stan can hold me up for hours" Kyle said.

"We'll see about that. Wait until I get my hands on you." Bebe's tone had a hint of fervour, she was flirting. Had Kyle flirt back with her, it could've made things a lot more awkward with Wendy.

We spent the next few hours wrestling the two girls, taking breaks to refill our drinks and dry off in the house where a gathering of people were dancing around in shorts and bikinis. I found myself loosening up around Wendy, Kyle's gentle reassurance helping me. He appeased Bebe as long as he could before she started snaking her hands around his bare shoulders and taking long unbroken gazes at his ass. I couldn't tell if he mind or not, but also I couldn't help but get in between them too, maybe because I didn't want to be left alone with Wendy, or perhaps because I didn't want Bebe to take Kyle away.

"Looks like you need to go home" Wendy chuckled and tore Bebe away from Kyle's arm. The prosecco had suddenly hit her like a rock. We said goodbye to the two and Wendy smiled warmly at me before she left.

"What did I tell you?" Kyle grinned, the grin he had when he knew he was right.

"I get it, fine. You sure you don't want to catch a ride with Bebe?" I nudged him.

"Uh, no, I'll pass."

I checked the time, it was about midnight. Cartman had crashed out somewhere in the lounge and Kenny was entertaining a group of people in the kitchen. I thought they might've been smoking something funny actually…

"One more dip in the pool before we go?" I asked. He smiled in agreement and we chased each other outside once again.

The pool was empty, everyone had either gone inside or gone home. We ran like wild animals when the cold Colorado air nipped our skin until finally we were in the safety of the warm, steamy glass house. Kyle jumped in first and let out a long sigh of content before I jumped in after him. We floated around one another on our backs for a while, staring up at the black sky above us, clouds of purple steam. I remember feeling at that moment like something was unsaid, but I couldn't make out if it was me or Kyle that needed to say it first.

"Bebe seems to really like you" I said.

"I know."

"You could've got with her."

"I guess so."

"Then why didn't you? I wouldn't mind if you'd went off. You haven't got your dick wet in… Well, a long time I think."

"Jeez, well thank you for giving me your approval to get laid, I really appreciate that. It's definitely wet now." The playful sarcasm made me chuckle.

"Sorry dude, you know what I meant."

"She's not my type."

"What is?"

Kyle stayed silent for a moment, perhaps in thought.

"Strong" he said finally. I felt myself frown and listened to the gentle slosh of the water and the drips from the condensation on the glass above us before questioning him.

"Strong?" I echoed.

"Yeah, like Wendy."

"Oh I- wait a minute!"

I splashed Kyle with my foot and he erupted into laughter before splashing me back. Before we knew it we were wrestling with each other, trying to push one another under water for long enough. Kyle, knowing he wasn't going to win, wrapped himself around my back and held on for dear life while I thrashed side to side in attempt to launch him off.

"I'm joking" he said almost in a whisper when I stopped to breath. I felt his nose brush the back of my neck, his breath fanned out against it and his hands were holding on tightly to my shoulders; his legs tied around my waist. In this moment I felt awfully aware of how close we were and how different it felt. We did this stuff all the time, why did it feel seedy? I thought to myself.

"Better be" I flipped him over in front of me and a few second later he bopped back to the surface, only the top half of his face staring at me above the water. His wet hair fell over his eyes; eyes that looked piercingly green all of a sudden. I stared back at him, unmoved. "My eyes hurt" I said.

"Should've listened to me about the goggles. See, that's the second time I've been right today" Kyle rolled his eyes and tutted at me as he spoke, a small smile hidden in the corner of his lips.

"I'd splash you if I had any energy to."

Kyle swam towards me, almost too close, he eyed me like how a hawk eyes a fish.

"Do you still have feelings for Wendy?" He asked.

"No, why?"

"I was almost certain you two were gonna end up going home together."

"What makes you think that?"

"You've got that look on your face, like how you did when you two were together."

"What look?"

"I don't know… It's like a far off look in your eyes, like you're thinking about someone."

I frowned at him, I couldn't think of anything I'd done tonight that was out of character. "Have you been staring at my face?" I chuckled.

"No... I mean, a bit, yeah" Kyle's voice went an octave lower and he sunk a little deeper into the pool.

"Can I admit something?" Kyle broke the silence "I probably won't be able to be this honest again without a little help from the whiskey." I swallowed a lump in my throat and wondered why he was making me so damn nervous all of a sudden.

"Sure" I said.

"Well, I'm glad you and Wendy broke up."

"What?"

"I don't mean it in a bad way, I was just a bit jealous is all…"

Jealous? I thought.

"We've only got one more year of high school left after this summer. I was worried if you and her stayed together that you'd go to the same college, move in together, get married or something, and you'd forget about me."

His eyes were hooded and he wasn't looking at me anymore, he looked completely forlorn and I could feel those knots in my chest tie up again. Suddenly, there was a deep sadness between us. I never thought we were drifting apart, but I never thought of the future either. A future without Kyle _was _unthinkable.

"You're my super best friend, I wouldn't do that to you" I told him; he cracked a grin.

"Ew don't say that…" His cheeks turned pink.

"I know, I shouldn't of said that, blame the whiskey" I swam around to face him. "I mean it though, I don't think I could ever forget you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Even if I had a wife and kids, they'd have to accept that you're apart of the family too."

"Dude."

"I'm going to the same college as you anyway, that's always been the plan."

"No offence Stan but I'm gonna be applying for ones that are… you know, _smart._"

"I'm smart!"

"No, you're an idiot, you said so yourself."

"That was-" Kyle splashed me again and giggled, water hitting my face every time I tried to speak.

I grabbed his wrists before he could splash me again. "I'm stronger than you though" I said, our faces only inches apart. Our knees bumped each other underwater and I could feel his breath on my face. We were so close it was almost wrong.

"I know" Kyle finally said. His voice was lower, enticing almost. "You're very strong…" His eyes were fixed on me now, they captivated me. I felt my cheeks heat up but blamed it on the steam and the whiskey; made a mental note not to drink and swim. We stayed in this position for a long time, not breaking eye contact. I felt enchanted, that would be the best way to describe it. Whatever it was, Kyle didn't feel like my best friend anymore.

It was inevitable really, he leaned forward first, tempting, safeguarding himself. My hands released their grip on his wrists and I found myself holding onto his waist, pulling him closer. He wrapped his arms around my neck and closed his eyes, it was safe. I closed the distance between us and we kissed. It was slow, tender and fleeting. When I pulled away, his eyes were sparkling, his lips were parted. I remember thinking for the first time how stunning he was, like a renaissance painting. We dived back in for another kiss, this time more ferocious, heated like we needed it. He wrapped his legs around my waist and I drifted towards the edge of the pool until his back was against it.

It felt so right and wrong at the same time, like I'd been waiting for it my whole life but never allowed myself to seize it. The thought of someone seeing or how wrinkly my skin had become from the water vanished into thin air, there was only Kyle; Kyle, in bright red passion, illuminated by the pinky pool lights and deeply set emerald eyes. I wanted him, in that moment I wanted him so bad; more than I've ever wanted anything.

"Are we making out?" He whispered, a little out of breath. So much for being smart I thought, but I felt a little disjointed myself. Was this really happening? Was it just a dream? The tightness in my shorts was telling me otherwise.

"I think so?" I whispered back. I couldn't believe it myself, I was making out with my best friend, what in the world was happening?! Did this mean something? I couldn't ask those questions with Kyle's body pressed against mine, so I kissed him again, I kissed him until our lips were swollen. I could've continued forever but eventually Kyle told me he was getting cold, and so was I. Our fingers looked like pink raisins.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" I asked as he climbed out of the pool. I didn't know what else to say, I was in mild shock, but I could tell Kyle had become shy all of a sudden, embarrassed about something.

"No, it's ok I'll uh… I'm fine" he shuffled around awkwardly with hands in front of his groin.

"Dude, do you have a boner?" I couldn't help but smile as Kyle's cheeks turned even darker.

"No!" He looked away in embarrassment "it's just the cold."

I wondered briefly what I'd do if it went further. Kyle's my best friend, and he's a guy, would it be ok? What would _it _be exactly? Why was I thinking about him like that? This was strange.

"Kyle."

"Yeah?"

"That was…"

"We don't have to talk about it, it never happened it's fine."

"Kyle, it was… nice." He looked surprised; I felt my face heat up again.

"Nice?"

"Yeah I mean… really nice" I swallowed "I liked it."

Kyle looked to the floor and drew circles in the stone with his feet. "We could do it again… if you like."

My heart skipped a beat as he scuttled out of the pool and back into Token's house. I stayed in the pool for a short while afterwards, swimming in circles aimlessly. I couldn't think of anything else but him and what happened. I hoped, with every tingle in my body, that it would happen again.


	3. August, 2006

**August, 2006**

It was a another hot summer's afternoon- for South Park's standards anyway. I lay on Kyle's bed and stared up at the ceiling bored out of my mind, while Kyle scribbled notes furiously at his desk. I decided to scroll aimlessly through my phone, anything to distract me from the unbearable silence in the room.

"So... looks like Kenny went to that wild party last night. Can't believe I don't remember seeing him there" I said. Kyle sighed.

"Wasn't I supposed to be helping you with your summer homework?" Kyle looked at me with disappointment.

"It's too sunny to stay inside doing homework, can't we go out?"

Kyle pursed his lips before turning back to the homework. "You know I'm still mad at you, right?" He said.

"I said I'm sorry."

"It's not- ugh!" He slammed his hands onto the desk before a long inhale; I imagined him counting down in his head. "Okay" he began "let's go out. Bring the basketball."

Suddenly we were on his driveway in shorts and t-shirts, with the makeshift basketball hoop above the garage door. He dribbled the ball between his legs and glared at me like an angry lion ready for the hunt. I wasn't intimated, I was used to Kyle getting this angry; he was a bit of a hothead after all, but I couldn't understand why he was so angry in the first place. Well, tell a lie, of course I knew why, but…

While I was lost in thought, Kyle finally made a move and shot straight for the hoop, he landed it in one go. We'd agreed that he'd try and shoot the hoops while I defended it and vice versa. He was in the lead.

"Pay attention" Kyle said, his voice stern. I came eye to eye with him as he dribbled again. His eyes were fierce, he really wanted to show me up, I could tell.

This time I got a few bounces in but Kyle was too good; he caught the ball with superhuman speed and once again landed it in the hoop effortlessly. By now I was already out of breath.

Kyle scoffed "aren't you meant to be South Park's quarterback?"

"I'm out of practice" I told him.

"Yeah, sure looks like it." I narrowed my eyes at him. Why so mean all of a sudden?

"Your turn" Kyle said and chucked the ball into my chest. I tried to be unexpected as I dribbled the ball across the driveway and launched it towards the hoop, but Kyle was too good; he jumped up high enough to knock it out of its course and once again I lost.

The back and forth continued for a further half an hour until both of us were breathless and sweaty. I finally gave up after shooting only two or three hoops and defending none.

"Next time you need to let off steam, we're playing football" I said "then we'll see who loses."

"I don't need to let off steam" Kyle huffed.

"Then what was all that about? You seem angry, dude."

"I _am, _I'm annoyed at you!"

I paused for a moment and lowered my voice. "Is it because of last night?"

"You're damn right it's because of last night."

"I'm sorry, how can I make it up to you? I mean, I'm not really sure what I did…"

"Because you were drunk! I hate it when you get like that." Kyle folded his arms and turned away "do you remember calling me last night?" He asked.

I bit my lip and shook my head, last night was a blur. I remembered going to Clyde's party last night, by myself because Kyle refused to come along. I recalled dancing a lot, drinking a lot, maybe something else… I couldn't really put my finger on it because the last thing I could remember was waking up in my bed with a huge headache.

"No, of course you wouldn't. Let me play you this message you left me at 2am then" Kyle said before taking out his phone. We stood a foot apart as Kyle played the message in question. I cringed as soon as I heard my intoxicated voice, I could barely make out what I was saying, but it went a little something like: _Kyle, oh Kyle, you… you are, so good to me. I just spent the last uh, time, talking about your ass like wow, god damn, GOD, WOW! You have such a nice ass! It's pft, haha, unbelievable- you know, I think we should like, you know, I don't know? I don't know what I'm saying, ignore me, I'm drunk. But… Maybe we should like, be together? I thought it would be cool since you know, we kiss a lot. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow for homework._

When the message finally ended we stared at one another blankly. I didn't know what to say.

"Wow… Kyle, I'm sorry. You know I was really drunk" I said quietly.

"Yeah, you were" Kyle replied and looked down to his feet "why'd you have to get so wasted like that? I worry about you…"

"You shouldn't. If I do silly things like send you that message then it's my fault."

"Getting into a fight isn't silly, or a car. It won't be silly when I get a phone call saying my best friend died in a car crash because he was drunk, will it?"

"Kyle…"

"I know what you're like."

I took a step forward and placed my hand on his shoulder. "I am sorry for making you worry" I told him softly "but, I'm not sorry for that message. I've been thinking for a while that I want to be with you. More than this." Kyle's cheeks turned slightly pink.

"God Stan… I wish you would've asked me when you weren't drunk like that, I might've said yes."

"Well, I'm asking now."

"Just because you're being sweet now, don't think that makes up for anything." He turned his back to me.

Stubborn.

I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and kissed the crook of his neck softly. He froze and I felt his skin heat up against my face.

"Stan, my parents are still home you know!" He hissed.

"So?"

"So, I'll shoot you through that hoop in a minute…"

"We could go to your room."

Kyle spun around only inches from my face and placed his hands on my shoulders. "As much as I like making out with you, I'm supposed to be mad at you!"

"You can still be mad at me while making out."

I thought Kyle was about to burst from anger but instead he grabbed my shirt and kissed me, angrily I might add, but passionately. I held his hips close and returned the kiss, almost as desperately. He'd taken me up on my offer it seemed as he dragged me into the house and quietly up to his room. He locked the door.

My heart was pounding, like it always did when I got to consume Kyle. I had him pinned against the door where I kissed him until he hummed softly in my mouth and we were out of breath once again, sweating like mad men. He wrapped his legs around my waist so I held him against the door and kissed him again and again ferociously.

"Stan" Kyle said breathlessly between kissing "the door is rattling…" His eyes were hooded and he gazed at me from under his long eyelashes, daring me to do something, I thought.

At this point I hadn't done much with Kyle besides intensely kissing. It'd been a few weeks since we kissed in Token's pool for the first time and maybe I'd gotten my hand just a little past the belt… Not much though. I toyed with the idea of _really _making him forgive me.

I let his feet drop to the floor and carefully got to my knees until I was eye level with his waist, all the while I held his gaze. Well, it's not like I hadn't entertained the idea of doing something like this. It had to go beyond kissing eventually.

I began undoing the strings on his shorts before he gasped "Stan!" His face was deep scarlet, he looked mortified. I was blushing too, I knew that. I pulled his shorts down and then his underwear once he'd given me the green light of embarrassment. We'd seen each other naked before, hundreds of times. This time though, it was obviously different. He partially covered his face with his hands but I could tell he felt shy, and was probably thinking how he ended up in this position with his best friend.

"Are you just gonna stare at me?" Kyle asked. I smiled up at him. Of course I wasn't.

I teased him at first, pleased with the reaction it got and then of course eventually I gave him head. Truthfully I didn't know what I was doing, I was just imitating what Wendy used to do to me (as embarrassing as that is to admit) and following what made Kyle shudder or groan the most. He gripped my hair and pushed my head gently, and quietly apologised now and then. I didn't know how I felt about doing this, but if it made Kyle fall apart like that, then I knew I'd be doing it a lot more often.

When he finished, I spat into my t-shirt and then pulled it off. He watched me with drowsy eyes and tousled hair. Mine probably looked worse.

God damn was he attractive.

"Why are you taking your shirt off?" He asked me, a little bit worried.

"Shower" I said simply "I won't be long." I knew he wouldn't mind, I'd showered at the Broflovski's many times.

"Stan…"

"Yeah?"

"Can I join you?" I felt my cheeks flush "I need one after basketball…" his voice was small.

"But-"

"I want to return the favour" he whispered in a deliciously low voice against my ear and kissed behind it; I shivered. It was a sensuous proposal. The thought of Kyle's pretty lips over me was almost too much to bare.

So, obviously he forgave me. That night I stayed over, and I remember as he fell asleep and curled up into my chest, I thought something had 'd passed a boundary then that meant there was no going back to how things used to be. Needless to say, that day was the last time we saw each other as just best friends.


	4. October, 2006

**October, 2006**

When September came around, we all waved goodbye to the glorious summer, one I knew I wouldn't forget. That summer I lost my best friend and found him again in the form of the most addictive lover I ever had. I consumed him like an aged brandy, slowly, savouring each note.

I wasn't afraid to pour a glass of it out in public, though he was a bit reserved at first. When we returned to South Park High for our senior year, everyone was aware of the situation at hand. I'm sure I made it painfully obvious. Not that anyone was surprised though, the announcement of our relationship was like a sigh of relief for everyone; they could all finish high school satisfied that Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski finally tied the knot.

The drunk message I'd sent to Kyle several months ago was a sloppy declaration of love, I had to admit. I didn't blame Kyle at all for his beastly reaction to it, so of course a week or so later after he'd cooled off completely, I brought it up again. I kissed him deeper than the Mariana Trench and proclaimed romantically "do you wanna be my boyfriend or something?" Yes, very romantic. It made him laugh, and at least I was sober, so he said yes.

October had brought the start of South Park's colder weather and with it we all found ourselves back in our signature coats and hats. Me, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman were stood waiting at the bus stop like we had been doing our whole lives. I realised that this was going to be the last year that we were all together as friends, waiting for the bus to take us to school. I had no idea what Kenny and Cartman planned to do after high school ended, but I knew Kyle had already applied for college, or a few. As for me, I was going to follow him, get myself a job and I thought we'd live some kind of idyllic life together. I hadn't told Kyle yet though.

"Get a room" Kenny said, most likely at us holding hands. We smiled and brushed him off, people rarely got in our way.

"I still can't believe you two are a thing" Cartman chimed in "I mean I guess we were expecting it but still…" Kyle's cheeks pinkened as he stepped onto the bus and pulled me up behind him.

"Thanks, Cartman" he said, although I don't think it was a compliment.

The two asked me once we were sat down if I was going to throw a party for my birthday which was just around the corner. I'd decided against it as my birthday parties would often inflict upon Token's Halloween ones shortly after me and no one wanted that, not when the family spent a fortune on the scariest talking zombies and the finest candy a kid or adult alike could ask for. This year it was going to be a small gathering, just the guys, a pizza and some alcohol. It was my eighteenth after all. Kyle told me he'd got me a special present but was incredibly sheepish about it whenever I brought it up, so there was that, whatever _that _was, to look forward to as well.

Being apart from Kyle was a living nightmare. My fingers itched to touch his flesh. I felt like a junkie daydreaming about his last hit. In some ways I suppose I was.

We'd kiss each other lightly during lunch break or our fingers would graze in the hall between lessons. We stole glances during class too, there was a special look of the eye that we'd developed which meant 'meet me after class in the gym' so we could make out behind the bleachers. But we'd also tell stories with the guys and fistbump to greet each other because we were still bros, in a sense. Kyle was still the same to me, we just kissed a lot more now. I realised I'd always loved him in a way, not as a friend and not as a lover, but in a special 'Stan and Kyle' way that was unique to only us.

Come my Birthday my parents had gone away for the weekend. I had the house to myself because Shelley had moved out a few months before. It was just me and the guys, a few pizzas, booze and video games. I'd invited Clyde, Token, Jimmy and Butters to fill the room out some more. They were fun. Jimmy and Kenny took their turn to battle with their controllers and the rest of us watched in hazy laughter and anticipation. Kyle had made a deliberate choice to keep his hands off me all night and he dismissed me whenever I tried to get cosy with him. It was because we were in the company of our friends, I understood, but it didn't make it any less frustrating. I sensed he took slight pleasure in it too when I caught him smirking.

My deliberate effort of the night was to not drink too much. I felt entitled to it since it _was _my eighteenth birthday, but I also knew I'd end up doing something stupid and worse, upsetting Kyle. My abstinence didn't stop the other boys drinking though, I had to admit, it was hilarious being on the opposite end of it all and watching Butters and Kenny float around drowsily and slur at one another. Before Kenny drank all my alcohol and ate all my pizza however, he'd been so thoughtful as to gift me a gay porn magazine "since you're into that now" he'd said. I told him he was far too kind and decided against asking him if he'd bought it new or not. The rest of the guys had given me some other heartfelt trinkets, a few practical jokes too.

I used to hate birthdays and getting older. They'd lost their charm past the age of ten, but this year was great. I guess getting older felt different when you knew you had something to look forward to. As much as I enjoyed the night, I was more ready than ever to get rid of the guys after a few hours of the pesky boyfriend ignoring me. I had to get him alone again.

"I'll clean this up tomorrow" I sighed as I stacked a few pizza boxes on the couch. Kyle smiled shyly at me, curled up on the couch like a freckled doe. "What's with you" I said "acting all weird."

"Nothing" he replied and slowly made his way behind me. He pressed his face against the back of my neck and ran his hands down my arms and oh, I melted into the carpet. I was nothing but a puddle by the time he pulled away.

"Maybe I should go home as well… It's getting late" Kyle said with a little smirk.

"You dare" I turned to face him and our noses touched.

"You want me to stay?"

"Of course I do. I want that special present too."

Honestly I was pretty surprised but also not surprised at all when Kyle left the room and came back with a basketball. I would be lying if I said I hadn't expected some incredible blow job or something. Still, I couldn't help but smile as he passed me the ball. It was new and had that intoxicating rubber smell that basketballs so often did. Kyle had also written his signature in permanent marker, just to make it that bit more special I suppose.

"It means you've got to practice when I'm not around and maybe, just maybe, you might be able to defend one of my slams by the summer" Kyle grinned and kissed my cheek softly. He was awfully cheeky I thought.

"Sure thing, I'm up for a challenge. I'm buying you a football for Hanukkah in that case though" I said and mirrored his cocky grin.

"I'm going to bed" Kyle announced eventually and scuttled upstairs as I switched all the gadgets off in the lounge. That meant my bed of course. I watched him curiously until he was gone, then took a long swig of whiskey because why not just finish what's left?

When I joined him shortly after, he was already in bed, curled up like he was ready to sleep. Sometimes I enjoyed this part of the day more than anything because I could wrap my arms around Kyle and we'd stay that way for hours without interruption, places to be or errands to run. I was almost ecstatic when I changed clothes and slipped into bed with him. I pulled his body closer and sighed. But tonight wasn't going to go without interruption.

"Are you tired?" Kyle whispered.

"A bit" I said, then he sat up. He was holding a bottle of something.

"Well, I do have another present for you."

"What is it?"

"Me."

He whispered it so deliciously into my ear that I was instantly awake, in fact my entire body had shot up. I couldn't make him out so well in the dark, I think that's how he wanted it. He was at that point in time, terribly shy.

"You?" I echoed dumbly.

"Well… my ass virginity, that is" he went a little quiet, yet I wanted him so badly to repeat it. Of course we hadn't had sex yet, in all honesty I wasn't sure if it was something he wanted to try out. I knew either way if it was me or him on the bottom, it would no doubt sting. But there he was, offering himself to me, I couldn't say no.

He was that last shot of whiskey.

"Are you sure?" I asked, and all my limbs twitched.

"I want you" he said.

I stared at his dark figure for a moment before I captured his lips in a gentle kiss. I imagined his eyes fluttered closed and he melted, as I had in the lounge earlier, when he fell gracefully into my mattress and I crawled on top of him, our lips holding our form together like glue.

He winced a little. Maybe he tasted the fresh whiskey, maybe he was nervous. I'll never know.

But I remember my hands explored the map of his body that night, and his mine. It was awkward in places, like I didn't quite know what to do. But then I'd remember he was my soul mate, _of course you know what to do_. It was perfect because it was me and him.

Maybe it was because of the dark that this particular memory is so subtle. I could only imagine the green in his eyes rolling around in bliss, or the way his brandy curls fell perfectly over his face. But it felt amazing, it felt like nothing I'd ever known was possible in the world, and Kyle, although a bit uncomfortable, had found solace somewhere and urged me to never stop.

After some time we became a cat's cradle of limbs in my bed and the soft sounds of our breath filled the room with ambience. Sex and alcohol does that to a room.

"I love you, man." I said it like he'd just leant me five dollars. Kyle inched closer to me and I heard him chuckle to himself. "I love you" he said, just as candid.

"We should do that more often" I offered. He laughed again.

"Oh yeah?" His hand rested on my thigh. Everything all of a sudden felt unreal.

I was madly in love with Kyle Broflovski.


	5. January, 2007

**January 2007**

If there is one time I can think of where I hated myself, it'd be this.

I hated it when Kyle cried, especially if it was because of me; which was rare because he wasn't one to cry in front of people so easily. Yet there he was at the foot of the bed, glaring at me with bloodshot eyes. Of course I had little idea of what happened because I'd just woken up and I had the most superior hangover. Kyle didn't look like he'd slept at all.

"What's up?" I asked as I sat up. It took no time at all for my head to start throbbing. I noted that I was in Kyle's bed, fully clothed and with no idea as to how I got there. Little fragments of the events from the night before came back in waves, but I couldn't piece together how I got from walking sober hand in hand with Kyle to waking up in his bed nursing the mother of hangovers. More importantly, why had he been crying?

"You're a complete asshole" he said. His voice was raspy.

"What… why, what happened?"

"I knew it, I knew you wouldn't remember anything again."

"Kyle, calm down…"

His face flushed red with frustration and he folded his arms. He was trying to hold back on murdering me, I could tell. I started to frantically worry about what I'd done the night before. It was New Year's Eve, things would have gotten really crazy really quickly. The countdown to the to midnight was possibly the last thing I remembered before whatever alcohol that I was entertaining had taken me over completely.

As I shifted around the bed I realised, to my horror, that I'd pissed myself. There was also a bucket on the floor next to me that I recalled I'd thrown up in a few times throughout the night, although it was empty. Then it hit me that the reason Kyle hadn't slept was because he'd been looking after me and crying. An enormous wave of guilt washed over me and I felt sick all over again and I was ready to heave into that bucket once more. Things started to piece together and I vaguely remembered that I'd said something pretty big to Kyle; I worried it might be the reason he was so painfully upset.

"Kyle… I think I pissed myself" I mumbled pathetically. There wasn't any point in me hiding it.

"I'm not surprised" he scoffed "with how much you drank." So it was the alcohol. Kyle only ever got a bit mean like that when he was upset with the alcohol.

I let out a long sigh. "I don't remember much. But whatever I did, I'm sorry."

"I just don't understand why you have to get like that. Wasn't it fun enough with all your friends and the party? Am I too difficult to be around that you have to get so drunk? What is it, Stan?"

I didn't expect him to understand something I barely understood myself. I didn't know why I got so drunk whenever I went to parties. Clearly I was a social drunk though. The intention was never to get wasted, but one drink would turn into two and by the end of the night I've forgotten who I am. That's the way it went with me. Part of me thought it was fine because most eighteen year-olds party and drink and I wasn't the only one. Kyle was a special breed of sensible and he knew when enough was enough, sometimes he wouldn't drink at all. As much as I envied that, I didn't have the same self-control when it came to anything really. Alcohol, money, sex; I didn't always know how to control myself. Kyle was completely opposite to me in that respect, thank God.

However, another part of me knew it wasn't ok what I was doing to myself and those around me. I knew deep down I was destroying myself, drowning whatever trauma I had under my carpet in booze. What could I do? If I went more than a week or two without a drink I didn't feel like myself, I felt dangerous to myself. Kyle would argue I'm more of a danger to myself when I'm intoxicated though.

But Kyle said "am I too difficult to be around?" and I'd never known him to blame himself for something I'd done, which is when I really started to feel like shit. Kyle, rational and composed, had taken the blame for something he had no part of. Love, I realised, is irrational and certainly not composed.

I know he loved me though because he came towards me, wrapped his arms around my neck, pissed pants and all, and kissed my cheek before he raked his hand soothingly through my hair. Home, I thought. In that instant I felt the insatiable urge to cry, I felt that he was too good for me. He was angry, but because he was in control, he decided to show me love above the anger.

"I'm really sorry" I said quietly into his chest "you're not difficult to be around at all. _I'm _the one that's difficult to be around. I can't even be around _myself _sometimes without… you know, getting the way that I do… But I love you."

Kyle held me closer into his chest and cleared his throat. He said his next words in a voice on the verge of tears "do you love me enough to stop?" Something inside me broke.

It clicked at that point that our lives were no longer separate and everything I did had a consequence to Kyle. Despite the hangover, this epiphany of mine was vivid because it wasn't like the time when I sent him a voice message about how nice his ass was, it wasn't the silly teenage confessions in Token's pool and it wasn't the kind of thing that a game of basketball and a blowjob could fix. I was an adult now, and that meant taking responsibility, so I promised him that I wouldn't go beyond the point of no return again.

It was a statement doomed from the moment it left my mouth.

Kyle could've told me all the things I did that night to make him cry and worry for my life. But we both made a silent agreement not to talk about it anymore. I was determined to keep my promise, so he'd said all that I needed to hear. He helped me out of bed and took my clothes down to wash and made us a light breakfast while I had a shower. I slipped into some of Kyle's clothes and after we ate we went back to bed because I knew he hadn't slept and frankly I was exhausted too.

Kyle told me he cried because he loved me and couldn't bear to see me in such a destructive state. What I once thought was irrational and mean was just him worrying about me. I knew I couldn't hurt him like that again.

But promises, I found, were made to be broken.


	6. March, 2007

**March, 2007**

My older sister Shelly had gotten engaged to Kevin McCormick back in January and the two were eager to marry right away. They had already moved in together a couple of years ago and once they were married, they were moving to Aspen where Kevin had got himself a job as a full-time ski instructor.

In recent years Shelly and I had formed a healthier relationship. It took the removal of her braces to soften her even slightly, but her devotion to Kevin had somehow made her a nice person to be around. As much as I hated the idea of the McCormick genes contaminating the Marsh's, Kevin was a down-to-earth guy and we got along well. I had no issue with him marrying my sister and neither did our parents. During a rather cold day in March, the two were to be married at a church in Aspen with a weekend at the resort for both the McCormick and Marsh family. Kyle was my plus-one; he was basically part of the family, so naturally he came along too.

Anyway, he looked absolutely ravishing in a suit.

"Stan, you're doing it again," Kyle said as he checked himself in the mirror, me sat down a short distance from him.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"Staring." Kyle smiled at me and made his way over to stand before me.

"I can't help it. You're really handsome."

Kyle blushed a little as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him in close. I mumbled something incoherent into his jacket and then caught his eyes and gave him the _look_. His blush deepened.

"Hey stop that, we're gonna be late as it is" Kyle chastised me and ran his hands through my hair. I just wanted him. I wanted him all the time. I wanted to take him out of the suit again and turn it into an art installation on the floor of my bedroom, but my parents were outside in the car waiting for us and, oh yeah, it was my sister's wedding day too. Kyle shook his head at me as if he could read my thoughts before he made his way to the door.

"I don't think I've been skiing since we were kids" he said, then a malicious smirk came over his face "_darsh_" Ah, trust him to remember! I nudged him and passed him his suitcase.

"You can carry that yourself, princess" I bit back and his smile widened before he grabbed both mine and his and pulled them up onto his shoulders effortlessly. He knew I was already frustrated, now he was just teasing me. I considered picking him up with all the luggage just to prove a point, but I let him win.

My dad drove us to Aspen with tears in his eyes as he cooed over Shelly to Mom. She rolled her eyes at him and reminded him constantly to watch the road. Mom always took a liking to Kyle, she was overjoyed when I told her last year that we were finally a couple. She engaged in tender conversation with him right over my shoulder and he answered her timidly with his hands in his lap. He was blushing but I was beyond embarrassed.

"It's a shame you two can't marry while the laws are what they are," she said.

"Mom!"

"Gerald's paying for that one" dad chimed in.

"Maybe one day, Sharon," Kyle said. He caught my eye with a small smile and my heartstrings must have snapped.

I spent the rest of the day mulling over the little conversation in the car. The look Kyle gave me was quite sad… I hadn't thought about marriage much, especially since we hadn't been dating long, but it dawned on me that I really enjoyed the idea of Kyle as my husband. Even as Shelly walked down the aisle our mom's wedding dress, and she looked surprisingly nice for once, I couldn't help but imagine Kyle, beautiful in his suit, walking towards me with the same expression. If we ever married, we'd have to do it in another state. What a headache.

When the vicar proclaimed Kevin and Shelly man and wife, the crowd cheered and threw confetti at the newlyweds. My dad's weeping caught Shelly's attention and she huffed at him while Mom tried to calm him down. Kyle chuckled beside me as we observed the scene. We caught one another's gaze once again and I was about to lean in to whisper something suggestive into his ear before Kenny invited himself between us. He wore a grey suit that still had the tag tucked discreetly into the pocket. My guess was that he'd return it when he had the chance. He grinned at us knowingly, especially me. "I guess we're family now," he said.

"Unfortunately" I took a step back.

"You're so cruel! I could be your best man, you know" Kenny motioned to Kyle then me. All the marriage talk was starting to make me feel ill.

"Anyway" he continued "I think we need some champagne, right Stan?" I swallowed a lump in my throat and glanced over to Kyle sheepishly. My mouth had gone tender from the thought of it, so tempting, I hadn't had a drink in weeks.

"How about it?" I asked him. He smiled at me.

"It's your sister's wedding, a glass won't hurt" he replied.

"Alright!" Kenny put his arm around us and lead us out of the church with the rest of the guests.

The party venue was a short walk from the church and once we were there, music was already playing and the buffet table was piled high with delicious food. Kenny helped himself eagerly to a plate of everything and the three of us sat together at one of the tables. Kenny had popped open a bottle of champagne and poured us a flute each. We thanked him before tucking in to everything and making idle chatter as we ate. The 'darsh' thing was brought up once again when Kenny and Kyle reminisced between me about our ski trip as children, then the conversation changed to plans after school. Kyle explained to Kenny about how he'd just sent his college application off the other week and was extremely nervous about it. My chest tightened as I remembered the big news I had to tell him; I'd almost forgotten, being so wrapped up in marriage. I imagined his face when I told him I was going to move to New Jersey with him. I'd planned out the reveal for days now, hoping that the weekend away in Aspen would be a great time to tell him.

After Shelly and Kevin cut the cake, a piece was shared out among the guests. Kenny forked at the dessert quietly, contemplatively. He'd gone solemn all of a sudden.

"Do you think you two would work long distance?" He asked finally. I don't know who he was asking. Kyle made a noise in the back of his throat, almost like a whimper. "Because there's no way Princeton is gonna accept you" Kenny said with his mouthful and pointed at me with his fork.

"Hey, I could go there if I want!" I protested. Kenny laughed at me.

"It'll be fine" Kyle assured us, composed all of a sudden "we're gonna make it work." _More than you think _I thought.

"They definitely won't accept you with frosting on your face" Kenny laughed again and I licked my lips in annoyance. "Instant rejection" he said.

"Don't worry, I'll get it" Kyle said innocently before not so innocently leaning over the table to capture my lips. His tongue gently flicked over the corner of my mouth and he swallowed the frosting before he closed his eyes and deepened the kiss between us. His tongue invaded my mouth and he tasted of vanilla and champagne and I melted into the chair as he cupped my cheek and made a low growl in the back of his throat. His other hand squeezed my thigh under the table and he gently pried my legs open before he pulled away, just as a warning. I couldn't help but get instantly turned on once he'd sat back down and continued eating like nothing had happened. Maybe it was the spontaneity of it, or the fact that everyone could see if they wanted, or maybe because he had blatantly been teasing me all day. It was even more scandalous knowing Kenny was watching it intently from the other side of the table. He was absolutely shocked.

"Wow, you guys kissed" Kenny said dumbly "that was hot. Do it again!"

"No!" Kyle said after some modesty had returned.

I watched Kyle silently, still a little in shock as he bickered with Kenny. I recalled how his face fell when Kenny mentioned long distance relationships. Clearly he was more upset about us splitting up than he let on. In that moment, my mind was made up. I would go with him no matter what. We grew up together and had never been apart before, and now that we were more than friends, splitting up was out of the question. We both knew we needed each other too much to maintain a long distance relationship.

"What was _that_?" I asked Kyle later that night as we got to our hotel room. I locked the door, loosened my tie and watched Kyle grin at me from the end of the bed.

"What's what?" He simpered.

"You know what."

"Oh… the kiss?"

"That was _not _a kiss."

"Maybe it was the champagne."

I sauntered towards him and leaned into him until our noses were almost touching and my arms were either side of him on the bed. "You mean to tell me you get tipsy after one glass of champagne?" I brought my hand to his face and mindlessly twirled one of his auburn curls between my fingers. He wore the cologne I bought him for Christmas and I found myself drowning in it.

"Okay, I have to admit… I have been teasing you a bit today," he said.

"I knew it!" I pushed him down into the mattress "I'll have to teach you a lesson…" I kissed his cheek before I made my way in a sinuous line along his jaw, down his neck and then stopped at the collarbone. He sighed and I couldn't help it, I enclosed my mouth around his skin and sucked gently at first, his breath hitched, then I sucked harder until I was satisfied with the strawberry-like mark in his flesh and pulled away. I hadn't left a hickey on him since last year, I forgot how incredibly sexy he looked with them. Kyle touched the spot and giggled.

"I'll teach _you _a lesson" he said suddenly and flipped us over until he was on top. I smirked up at him as he began to undress above me.

"My bride" I said and he abruptly stopped undressing. He edged forward with his shirt undone so I could stare down at his toned chest and purred in my ear.

"I'm a man too, you know." I shivered.

Sometimes, only recently, Kyle called the shots. I didn't complain. He was so gorgeous, I didn't mind him ripping into me whenever he had the urge to, although I wasn't as vocal about it as he was. He always whispered horny things into my ear when he wanted to play submissive because he knew how fired up I got. Often if it was particularly passionate, he'd cry out something outrageous like 'please fuck me, Stan!' or recoil and shyly murmur something equally as hot like last week when he blushed and asked if I would cum on his face. He asked so cutely that I nearly came in my pants. When we had sex it was the nearest place to heaven on earth, but sometimes it was a porno.

If I wanted him on top then I wouldn't be so forward about it; he would have to find out, and that's how it went. Usually he'd tease me all day until I practically have to beg him to take me. Today was one of those days.

"I can see that" I finally replied and my eyes trailed down to the bulge in his pants. He smiled and kissed me deeply, only breaking away to remove another article of clothing. I wiggled out of my pants and boxers and Kyle helped me out of my shirt. Eventually we were finally naked and I once again gazed at him in disbelief. I couldn't help it, he was so addictive. I could never have enough of him, I needed more and more…

"You're mine" I said against his skin and wrapped my arms around him, placing kisses on his freckled shoulder and up to the nape of his neck. He moaned quietly and I almost fell apart. I sat up properly to leave another sneaky hickey on his neck before he pushed me down once again. "Don't get carried away" he warned me breathlessly. Before I could protest, he wrapped a slender hand around my ridiculous hard-on and his fingertips danced across it teasingly before he gently pushed his thumb against my tip to which I growled ferociously. Obviously he enjoyed teasing me.

I put my hands over my face and failed to catch my breath once his weight came off the bed and he went to one of our suitcases to fetch lube. I could hardly contain myself, I had to reach down and touch myself for those achingly long few seconds that he had left. When I opened my eyes, Kyle was watching me with dark eyes, his own erection making its presence known.

"You're really hot…" he said quietly "I want you."

"I want you now" I said back, holding my hand out in a desperate attempt to get him on top of me. I sat up until I was next to him on the side of the bed. I took the lube from him and squeezed a generous amount into my hand before I smoothed it over his length and kissed him viciously, revelling in the little gasp he made at the cold and then the velvet moan of his voice when he melted into my touch.

After a little more teasing and touching, he'd had enough. He set himself between my thighs and pulled my hips towards him before he gradually eased into me. The way his eyes rolled to the back of his head was angelic, I wrapped my legs eagerly around his waist and reeled him in closer, stifling the urge to moan his name in what would most likely be the most desperate girlish cry.

It didn't matter what way this went, we somehow always managed to sync to one another's rhythm. We never had a sloppy fuck, only when I was drunk. Like usual, it was magnificent. I couldn't get enough of him, the way he bucked into me and bit me in certain places… My neck, my earlobe, my bottom lip... Kyle liked to be made love to gently and passionately, but he was more rough with me, because that's the way _I _liked it, and I was never disappointed.

I held onto his back tightly as he continued to thrust into me upon my constant approval, I could barely hold in the sounds of ecstasy. The uncomfortable aspect of it wears off for me after a short while, and then I'm built like a rock. It felt… too good. Criminally good.

Soon he had reached the precipice of his arousal and came inside me, collecting himself enough to make out with me once more and do something magical with his beautiful hands until I too had reached my climax. We ended with a kiss and he pulled me in the bathroom to clean up and brush our teeth before we turned off the lights and collapsed back into bed. Kyle was the kind of person to make sure you never skip out on brushing your teeth, no matter what the circumstance.

We gazed at one another for a short while. It was one of those moments that we had, that of warm fragility, sometimes after a deep conversation in the early hours of the morning, and sometimes after fantastic sex in a hotel after my sister's wedding. We would stare at each other, just like this, and we both knew how in tune we were to one another. We were the same person looking into our own reflection. I didn't want to break the moment, but I had to tell Kyle the news before he fell asleep.

"I'm coming to New Jersey with you" I said. He blinked once, twice, suddenly he was wide awake and switched the bedside lamp on.

"You what?" He asked in disbelief. I propped myself up on one elbow and reached for his hand with my other arm.

"I can't leave you" I sighed.

"But… I thought you were going to college here?"

"Kyle, I don't really want to go to college. I never did, and since I don't need to be in South Park for that, I'd rather be with you."

Kyle looked pensive for a moment; he furrowed his brows before he could find something to say. "Stan, it's a pretty big thing… You can't just decide that."

"I haven't. I've been thinking about it for a long time. I need to be with you. I love you… you love me, right?"

"Of course I do…"

"Then let me come with you. I know you'll get accepted because you're so fucking intelligent. I'm just an idiot, college isn't for me... but I can get a job in the area. I… I know you're gonna tell me to go to school but this is all I want" I kissed his hand for emphasis "I'm no good without you."

"Stan…" he bit his lip. If only I could crawl inside his head and know what he was thinking. I knew he would be sceptical and tell me what to do at first, but I thought he'd be excited.

"I want that so much" he finally said. I could breathe again. "But please just think about it some more over summer. I don't want you doing something you'll regret…"

"Where my super-best friend goes, I go" I said in an attempt to make it all less serious.

Kyle crinkled up his nose and let go of my hand "gross, don't say that again."

He looked all worried for me then, but as I watched him fall asleep, a smile spread across his cheeks. Freckles fell into dimples like stars vacuumed into black holes. I was so in love with him, lost in the cosmos of his existence_. _I knew under all the worry that he'd been holding his breath, waiting for me to chase after him.


End file.
